Empty Chairs and Empty Tables
by PetchricorXConstellation
Summary: Carolina remembers the past and muses on what she said to the reds, blues, and Wash. *NOT a song-fic. Based off of ep. 18 of sea. 10. Rated T for some language*


**This is named after the songfrom the play/book/movie _Les Miserables_ and is best read while listening to it. I hope you enjoy. (Some of you may want tissues.)  
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Carolina watched as Wash and the others walked out on her, not saying a word. Church's hologram disappeared. She closed her eyes and she could see them, she could picture her entire team in her head. Wyoming, York, Maine, South, North, Wash, C.T, and 479er. They were the best team ever, and she wouldn't have wanted anyone better. But now they were gone, and she couldn't get them back. She was alive and they were dead. Her heart ached and her head swam in a whirl of sadness. She tore her helmet off and screamed out in anger as it left a dent in the ground. It bounced back up into the air before falling back to the ground and rolling for a few moments.

"Damn it!" she screamed as tears welling up in her eyes. She stood there and held them back because she couldn't cry, she just couldn't. She stared at the wall far across the room from her, determined to keep the tears back. _Do you think they'd be proud? _A tiny voice told her, the voice belonged to Church. _Would York support this? _"SHUT UP!" she screamed at him. When he didn't respond she let out a satisfied sigh, but she knew he was right.

No matter how much she denied it, it was true. They wouldn't be proud, and York would never support this. Carolina fell to her knees and let the tears fall. Her palms hit the ground and she let out a yell that transformed into a sob. Tear salty orbs hit the ground, both followed by many more. She stared at them through her now blurred vision as more and more hit the floor, leaving tiny puddles of water. She screamed once more and fell to her side, curling up and crying loudly into her knees. Church wanted to comfort her, but he knew she wouldn't allow it, so he stayed silent.

She was wrong, and even while she spoke the words and preformed the actions, she knew it was wrong. But she did it anyway. She yelled at them to shut up and do as they were told, she aimed the gun at Tucker, and she snapped at Wash. While that had happened she knew that it wasn't right, something inside her screamed at her to stop, telling her not to scream and not to aim the gun at him. But yet she did it anyway, and she didn't know why. But she did it anyway. She sobbed.

"I'm sorry," she murmured into her knees. "I'm so, so sorry." Church watched as she lay there, broken and sad with tiny pools of tears spread across the floor under her. "Forgive me, please. I was wrong, so very wrong." _We both were, _Church tried to assure her, but it didn't work. "No! I shouldn't have forced them!" her voice became lower. "I was only thinking of myself, not them." She let out a loud sob and continued to cry. Tiny footsteps walked down the ramp and stopped as the person spotted her. They regained their beat as they came closer to her.

"Miss Carolina?" came Caboose's voice. Carolina jumped to her feet and placed her face inches away from his. Caboose cowered under her gaze and gulped nervously. She shoved him back with both hands and growled angrily at him.

"Go away!" she snapped. "And tell no one of this! Get out!" Caboose turned and ran with a tiny sob. As she watched him go Carolina knew that she had made yet another mistake. She sat back down and stared at the ground. "This is all my fault," she murmured to the air. "Why can't I just think about anybody but myself? Even back during the project, that's all I ever did. Tex tried to help me, but I rejected it. And she was right! She had always been right..." Carolina sobbed quietly and hugged herself tightly. Because she was all she had now. No more team, no more Wash, and no more anything, not for her. Not anymore. "Oh my friends, my friends forgive me..."

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**Well, there you have it.**

**Thanks for reading and please review.  
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